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Bad Girls: Let’s Be Honest Ladies, Aren’t You Only Into Him BECAUSE He’s NOT Into You? |
by:
Michelle Langley |
The authors left out one very important piece ofpuzzle in their bestselling book “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Deep down every female knows what that little piece ofpuzzle is. Our perception and our reality are worlds apart when it comes to relationships today. Although our reality has drastically changed our perception continues to remainsame.
The tired but lingering perception still holds men responsible formajority of problems experienced in relationships; which is not to say that women are unwilling to takelittle responsibility. Women often blame themselves for giving and loving too much. Interestingly enough, females tend to only give and love too much when they are involved with males that treat them badly or atleast males that show them little interest. Could it be that females continue to love males like this because it is simply in their nature to be giving and nurturing, or could it simply be that females lovechallenge? If you aremale reader, you probably suspect it’slatter. Although, if you arefemale reader, you know it’slatter.
Females chase after commitment insame way that males have always chased after sex. Males often lose interest in females after they get them into bed and females often lose interest in males after they get them to commit – that’sreality, but it’s certainly notperception that most people have about women. Why? Because it doesn’t fitmales are “bad” and females are “good” stereotype to which we have become so accustomed.
The females who claim to love too much areequivalent of males who will say or do anything to getfemale into bed. These females will put up with anything and will do almost anything to accomplish their goal – gettingman intocommitment. However, once they have garnered their commitment they usually become bored and resentful. Eventually, after findingreason to blamemen for their unhappiness (i.e. boredom) they move on to their next conquest. This iscommitment game – it’sfemale version of pursue and discard.
I found it interesting, having interviewed more than two hundred people as well as having recently writtenbook about females, to hear that large numbers of women were ending their relationships asresult of reading “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Interesting, because I knew from my research that these women were most likely ending their relationships forsame reason they had stayed in them; they viewedmen they were seeing aschallenge.
I was curious, so I set out to find out what was really behindapparent phenomenon. I wanted to know why women were really ending their relationships after their encounter with that little book we’ve all heard so much about.
I discovered thatbook’s directness made it difficult, if not impossible, for women to continue to rationalize their boyfriend’s behavior once they had read it; there was nothing left forwomen to analyze or to talk about with their friends. They no longer needed to try and figure out what their boyfriends were thinking, or spend time wondering about where their relationship was going. The need for discussing, analyzing, hoping and longing had all been eliminated. Asresult, many women ended their relationships. They had mistakenly believed thatmen in their lives were complicated and mysterious, or in other words,challenge; instead, they found out their boyfriend’s behavior was categorically identifiable and even predictable.
However, what must not be overlooked isfact that it wasapparent “cookie cutter” behavior of men, meaningmen’s loss of mystery, which causedwomen to end their relationships. It was obviously not due toway men were treating them; otherwise women would have ended their relationships prior to readingbook. So, it seems women are ending their relationships after readingbook forsame reason they often ended them prior to reading it – they thinkmen in their lives are boring.
One ofco-authors of “He’s Just Not That Into You” has co-writtennew book, titled “It’s CalledBreak Up Because It’s Broken.” Even without readingsub-title, one could easily assume thatbook is intended to help women deal withdifficulty and aftermath ofbreak-up. One could assume this due tobook’s cover which prominently displayscontainer of ice cream.
It will be interesting to see if this new book will sweepnation too; although, I must say, I don’t think it will. The reason is due tolittle known fact: it is women, not men who endmajority of relationships. I know what your preconditioned mind must be thinking. You must be thinking “well, women wouldn’t be endingmajority of relationships if it weren’t for men’s bad behavior.” But this isn’t necessarilycase. Growing apart is actually one ofmost common reasons cited by women for ending their relationships and during my research,reason most frequently given by women for ending or wanting to end their relationship was “my husband/boyfriend is boring.”
Bearing this in mind, one has to wonder whynew break-up book doesn’t havebig, frosty beer on its cover. The answer to that one is probably pretty simple:
A) Associety we keep women’s bad behaviorsecret; trust me, if it had been Hillary instead of Bill you would have never beenwiser.
B) Women buylot more books than men.
These types of books are obviously intended to empower women. However, I believeopposite is true. Women will never be empowered bymedia’s false bravado which is constantly being used to feed their egos and somehow make up for their past oppression. Women will only become truly empowered when they owndark side of their nature. When they are held accountable and take responsibility for their own bad behavior as well asharm they often inflict onto others.
In our culture men have been reduced to nothing more than their animal nature, while women onother hand, are still somehow separated from theirs. The devil andangel, so to speak, live inside every human being. Females are in no way excluded from this fact of human nature. At some point in history, many societies assigned and deemed certain characteristics and behaviors natural, meaning acceptable, for each ofsexes. To this day, people are inundated with these same exaggerated and fictitious images of male and female behavior. Women, as well as men, have been sliced downmiddle – able to own only part of who they are.
In order for females to achieve real equality and to stop being their own oppressors they are going to have to acknowledge, as well as take responsibility for,disrespectful way in which they often treat males. In truth, women are just as oftenvillains as they arevictims. Acknowledging and accepting this fact isonly way for women to truly become whole.
This process may require women to ask themselves some pretty tough questions which they undoubtedly will not likeanswers to. Questions such as:
How many guys have I blown off? How many times have I not returnedguy’s phone call? How many times have I lied toguy? How many times have I cheated onguy? How many times have I strungguy along? How many times have I usedguy for his money? How many times have I usedguy for attention? How many times have I usedguy for sex?
Females regularly do all of these things and more. What’s more, they typically do them to males who really like them and are trying to treat them well. Unfortunately,nice guys are often viewed, as willing – willing to commit, which translated into male terms means –easy lay.
Women didn’t need to readbook fromman’s perspective in order for them to understand and gain insight into male behavior, all they needed to do was ask themselves why they treat some males insame way that they often complain about being treated.. And of course, without any hesitationanswer quite similar totitle of that little book would roll right off every woman’s tongue &#ninefourseventwo; I’m just not that into him.
Aboutauthor:
Michelle Langley isauthor of Women’s Infidelity: Living In Limbo: What Women Really Mean When They Say, “I’m Not Happy”
To readexcerpt from Women’s Infidelity visit http://womensinfidelity.com/
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